The Times of English

I am a habitual reader of the Times of India. People who are addicted to the Times or the Guardian in the UK or the New York Times in New York, will understand what I mean when I say there are certain addictions which rival coffee and cigarettes.

But what happens when you feel over a period of time, that the joy and the high your morning addiction gave you, is slowly turning acrid in your mouth? Is slowly giving you reason to doubt? Should that particular marriage be allowed to die? Should you stay and fight? Should you accept the inevitable, be unfaithful and find that there’s no succour outside either? I don’t know; these aren’t rhetorical questions. I really hope someone can help me find an answer.
For the past couple of years since I've been in India, the one thing that I was looking forward to, was the crackling, crisp sound of my favourite newspaper with my morning cuppa. The morning cuppa did not disappoint.

First I began to notice spelling mistakes. Then I began to notice major grammatical errors. Then I began to believe that some of the reporters and editors needed simply to go back to school or grab a copy of the Wren & Martin and devour it.

Par example: ‘Mr. A was invited to the marriage of Miss B with Mr. C.’ Oh really? Mr. A moved in with them and lived out the long years of marriage beside the couple in a parallel universe, did he? Or did you mean that he was simply invited to the wedding?

Then the blatant Hindi insertions, or rather Hinglish, in an entire headline of an ENGLISH newspaper. I have nothing against Hindi and I think it’s a beautiful language that belongs in a Hindi newspaper. Unless there is no direct or indirect or clear translation into English, what the hell does an editor mean when he allows an entire headline in Hindi such as ‘Chalta hai nahin chalega’ (For the benefit of my non-Hindi speaking friends: This lackadaisical attitude won’t do anymore) on the front page of an ENGLISH newspaper? Do you really think doing that is an explanation for moving with the times or being 'with it?'

I can’t even begin to account for the number of sentences that are begun as intelligent, coherent, complex sentences which end up without predicates, without making complete sense and abuse the term ‘phrase’ beyond reason.

Then there is the matter of actual matter. I am willing to light a fire here. I would like to ask what message the voice of your country sends out, when on the front page, right-hand side column, there is an apparent survey or poll that asks a question such as: Should we sacrifice Kashmir to buy peace for the rest of India? I hope to God it’s an ill-fitting, poor joke of a rhetorical question and not a serious one. But yet, there is an actual percentage below the question: 24% Yes and 74% No. And 2%? Think it’s bloody ridiculous that you even asked this question and refused to answer? Why not SACRIFICE the child you like the least or gets into the most trouble at school and keep the quiet, obedient ones? Why not SACRIFICE the wife who nags you and get a new, submissive one? Why not SACRIFICE the parent who is disabled and dependant and keep the one who can still write you cheques and baby-sit for free?

I am loosely associated with the fourth estate myself and have ample respect, faith and belief in the freedom of it. In fact, it is imperative for survival as the true guardian of a fundamentally free society. We all know that. But as that pillar, do we not hold ourselves up to any standards anymore? Is it so hard to sell as many copies while endeavouring for perfection?

I remember a time when the Times was held up as almost a parallel beacon for the learning of fine English. I remember with pride, cutting out an article, taking it to school and presenting it for vocabulary class. And then I remember dear old Nissim Ezekiel saying, tongue-in-cheek: If you want to learn correct spelling, read the Times of India.

So what should we say today? If you want to lower your English language standards, learn incorrect grammar, destroy your ability to spell correctly and offend common, intellectual and emotional sense under the guise of the ‘freedom of the press’ please continue to read The Times of India?

There are still a few valiant soldiers who write for this paper and bemoan the loss of good English. Could I please ask them if they’re willing to raise their voices a little higher so that our standards don’t skin any lower?