Let's face it; we like wars.

Now I know you're going to put on your pacifist poncho and hurl tomatoes at me for saying that. Well, thanks for the free fruit, people; it'll save me a penny.

But seriously, I will demonstrate that this is true. Some of us just like outright war. You know, the sort that's happening all over the world- rebel conflicts in African countries, unspeakable atrocities in Chechnya, Iraq and Afghanistan bearing the brunt of a few bad men, the Middle-Eastern conflict and the Indo-Pak tensions. You can hardly prove me wrong here.

But what about me, pipes up your thin reedy voice- yes you, the nature-loving, tree-hugging fruitarian, almost anorexic because you can't eat anything that can be murdered, waving your stick insect arms in protest. I'm not for war, you say. Ah but you are, you see. You're raging against non-vegetarians. You're raging against the fur coat industry. You're campaigning for the rights of spinach but you don't care about the lives of dairy farmers who lose their livelihood because nobody buys their milk anymore. So you're at war with someone in your own reedy little stick-insecty way.

And you, you purveyor of justice- the one who campaigns for clemency, for human rights, for fair treatment to prisoners, for the upholding of the Habeas Corpus writ. Now don't scowl and raise your Magna Carta at me, you thick-robed bespectacled geek. Your dash for Lady Justice is squashing my rights as a taxpayer not to hand over my money for the maintenance of unspeakable criminals who shake their babies to death, who plant bombs in my city, who swindle thousands like me of our hard-earned wages. And you're campaigning for that vermin's rights? You're warring against the ordinary citizens' rights with your clever words and your indecent spin on the law.

And what about you- you finely attired keepers of the faith? You claim you want peace, not war. You shake hands with rabbis and mullahs and bishops and pray for the serenity and wisdom of the world and yet you live in shameless luxury and determine if a raped girl should be forced to have a baby at risk to her own life, you disallow a devout woman to cover her head with a scarf if she so chooses, you call followers of other faiths kafirs and non-believing sinners, you weild your mighty money to subjugate and occupy the homes of a harrassed nation- all in the name of God. What a clever little bunch you are.

And what about you and me- we are so taken in with the everyday wars that we encounter when we spill onto the streets, in order to earn our living. We are wooed towards something and cautioned against another- phones, schools, medicines, clothes, entertainment, political views, nations, rights, duties and moralities. And we choose. We choose one over another, starting off little wars that will all come home to roost one day if they haven't already.

You're not a pacifist. You're as Machiavellian as I am. You love wars just as much as every other person on this planet. You just don't have the balls to admit you enjoy it. Comfort yourself, dear coward; neither do they.

A change of date

I think the 30th of December should officially be declared the last day of the year and the 31st should be a transitionary date. Like a no man's land on the calendar. Seriously though, think about it. The entire 24 hour period of the 31st is spent doing one thing only- preparing for the New Year's Eve craziness that most people are keen to experience. Like it's novel. Like it won't happen again every year. Like they're petrified of starting the new year on a dull note, because it may come to symbolise the entire year. Like they're too embarrassed to say they have no specific plans or no specific date because of course that denotes the kind of loser or social misfit or charity case that you obviously must be. Because of course, on January 1st the whole world will miraculously change and everything will be wonderful and Rhonda Byrne's stupid secret will finally be revealed. So in between all this, where's the time to reflect on the year gone by? Where's the need actually? If there is a need and you find that you do want to, I suggest the 30th of December. It's a calmer day and and less fraught with the expectation of politically correct sentiment. Less peppered with chimes of 'Oh do smile, darling, think positive thoughts and the new year will bring you great joys.' I don't have a problem with this. In fact I am quite convinced that it's important to say Happy New Year. After all, one can hardly say Sad New Year. One can but one won't. The only person who'd appreciate the irony of that would be Woody Allen and I don't have his email address or Harold Pinter and he's dead.

So today being 30th of December, I shall take my own advice. But I don't want to dwell on the year that went by. I want to think about what the year that went by will bring to the year that's arriving. Now a lot of you will think, oh dear, she's going to talk of depressing things. Of death and destruction. Of darkness and morbid news. And we don't want to be pulled down. Well, to those I say, fair enough. After all, it's perfectly acceptable to wipe out from memory the things you swore you'd hold dear and not forget because they'd scarred you with their gravity. After all, it's perfectly acceptable to join the band of fools who sing and dance and pretend at the stroke of midnight that a god they cannot see nor hear will make everything wonderful. And the more optimistic you are, the more you will hate being reminded of the impotent world you really live in. But let me relieve you. I'm not going to adjectivally depress you. And if I do, perhaps you have a conscience left. That's the news you'd want to actually celebrate.

As I write this:

-There are wailing mothers and orphaned children in Palestine who are being sacrificed to the altar of Hamas and Israel's military power. The toll has crossed 300.
-There are people in Bombay still mourning the loss of their loved ones a mere month ago in the terrorist attacks.
-There are people in Kashmir who braved the militants to come out and vote and are worried about what will happen to their families if the government in India will only use this election to cock a snook at Pakistan instead of directly addressing the battered populace's fears.
-There are men who are roaming the streets in search of a job so they can feed their families in so many countries in the world.
-There is a genocide taking place in the Congo at the hands of its own rebel armies.
-The Taliban is executing a renewed rash of bombings in Afghanistan and gaining ground in Pakistan.
-Saudi Arabia is 'rehabilitating Jihadists' by giving them further lessons in fundamentalism.
-Dangerous men like Putin are quietly stubbing out democratic freedom in the name of stability while his people starve.

And finally, when you've digested all this, the 30th will be done and dusted. We'll all shake our heads together in universal sympathy like a flock of idiotic sheep watching a tennis match and then move on to the 31st, worrying frantically about the colour of the nail-polish and dinner reservations.

Oh yes, almost forgot. Happy New Year.