13 January 2010

Resolutely Unresolved

They say New Year's Resolutions always fly out the window once the first week of Jan slips away along with the fuzzy furry feeling that all's well with the world in the new year and as the last of the champagne sticks to the roof of your mouth like an old shoe clamped under the bed, you wonder.... Since it's now the 13th of January, I wondered if I could come up with at least ten seemingly universal resolutions that stuck.

1. Let's watch we eat- Yup, watch yourself sneak an extra piece of full fat ham and an unspeakable forkfull of sinful chocolate goodness. Tick!

2. Let's work out more- Oh this one is a classic one, innit? After 10 kms or 10 days, whichever comes earlier, please see Point 1, above. Tick!

3. Let's do more charity- Absolutely. Throw out (err....donate) perfectly good pairs of shoes (soooo last year, babe!) and spend double the amount on new ones. Tick!

4. Call that friend you've been meaning to call- You did and you lunched with her and then went back to your other 'real friends' to gossip about how fat she is and how sallow her skin is and how pathetic her dress sense is and OMG, lunch was a nightmare, girls! Tick!

5. Focus on my career- This is a big one for most of us. Yes, really, focus focus focus. Come on now, stop staring out the window, don't spend 4 hours a day texting and don't spend half the morning on Facebook telling people about the colour of your bra. Focus! Tick, anyone?

6. Read better books- Do let's trudge to the latest bookstore and browse through the classics where you're met with a pimply faced attendant who thinks Alice in Wonderland is a children's book. Really? Well, then can't be bothered with that. But the new Vogue looks good. As do empty headed tales of Generation Y exclusively speaking Hinglish. Tick anyone?

7. Travel more- Oh lovely. Now if only I could get an alphabetised list of where all the shopping festivals are, where the celebs hang out and what's the latest 'It' destination, I'll just grab my passport, shall I? Tick anyone?

8. I'll learn something new- I've always wanted to learn how to play the violin. Ooh yoga, that's meant to be sooooo cool and trendy, babe. What about salsa dancing? Oodles of fun, yeah! But it's so time-consuming! Tick anyone?

9. Thinking positive- So done with the negativity! Read 'The Secret' and listen to Deepak Chopra's advice! And take an Art of Living class! I'm so down with that. Now if only I wasn't surrounded by such bitchy, negative people! Tick anyone?

10. New Year Resolutions are stupid- Really people, how can you be so childish? Nothing changes! It's all humbug. Seriously, pass me the ham sandwich and the beer. And shut the bloody door on your way out. Tick everyone?