23 July 2013

Prince Biden and the Giant Pothole

Once upon a time there was an evil Giant Pothole. He had a large family, lots of Little Pothole brothers and sisters and they lived happily in the Kingdom of India. They wreaked havoc all through the year, pillaging and plundering and killing any good citizens that dared to cross them. Their bloody reign went unchecked and they grew in strength and number every year.

One day, appalled by the plight of the poor citizens, Prince Biden of the Land of Obamarama decided that he must do something about it. After all, it was his moral duty to help the poor defenseless citizens against the daily atrocities of the Giant Pothole and his family. He informed the King of India that he'd pay a visit to the Kingdom of India and they would talk of Lots of Things and Little Money Matters. The King of India knew that this was his final chance to make his Kingdom a Better Place. So he secretly gathered his elite Army of Black Ants, that very night, and equipped them with powerful Anti-Pothole Guns that shot out deadly Filler Bullets. The Giant Pothole and his Little Pothole brothers and sisters were attacked in the dead of night while they were asleep. Taken by surprise, they couldn't do anything to protect themselves against the hail of Filler Bullets. They died, screaming and sputtering.

And thus, due to the benevolent visit of Prince Biden of the Land of Obamarama, the Kingdom of India was rid of the terrors of the evil Giant Pothole and his family of Little Potholes. The people were happy and safe and lived happily ever after until the next monsoon. 

The End.

The 3 Idiots

I refer to the illustrious company of Messrs. Biden, Kerry and Dobbins. 

Why has Obama, presumably an intelligent man, surrounded himself with these three idiots? 

Biden. Ah my favourite butt of all jokes. He who drones on and on about everything, unstoppable in his tracks. He's due to arrive in India in a day or so, to lecture us perhaps on how we are America's most cherished partner, being the largest, most populous democracy in the world and as such America loves her new bestie, warts and all. Lip service because this useless clocking of airmiles is exactly that. Pointless and useless. Can he offer anything tactical or strategic that will help address the real issues of economic arrangements, geopolitical support or is he going to sanctimoniously lecture India on how it should improve on all counts. Really. This coming from the largest, most populous hypocrisy in the world. 

Kerry. I guess he must walk around with the big L for Loser tattooed on his forehead. He actually believes he can get the Jews and Muslims into one room and wax poetic about the Two State Solution. Kerry recently came to India to reprimand the naughty kids in the Indian government about cutting greenhouse gases and opening up our markets in a more economically egalitarian way. He, of the country that's one of the biggest polluters on the planet, has refused to ratify the Kyoto Protocol and wastes energy in every possible way, from large polluting vehicles to plastic everything. He came to India to shake his money-tainted finger at us, while blatantly disregarding how the big businesses in America are anything but economically egalitarian, and in fact, border dangerously on the criminal. I suggest he funnel some of his millions into buying a brain first and then a filter to his mouth. 

Dobbins. The oxymoron. The Special Representative for Afghanistan and Pakistan feels free to tell India how to behave with those two countries. Why? Because we're neighbours? Because America clubs India with those two stains on the planet? Or because it's in America's political and economic interest to force these three nations to cooperate? Just because some powerful lobbies tell him that India is the key to a settled peace in this region, doesn't mean that's the ground reality. There are rooms filled with evidence as to what Pakistan does through its malevolent ISI, often using the suffering Afghans as willing bait. And its enmity against India is a long-documented fact. But Dobbins feels that India is not doing enough to play nice. How about he takes a walk down a street in Kabul or Lahore, unprotected, like a normal citizen. He'll need a diaper. 

I'm not saying India is perfect in any way. It's a very flawed democracy, but one with teeth and it's grown up enough and riled enough to bite. So if America wants the goodies on offer in this country, then Obama has to make sure the chefs are professional and can cook an Indian curry to perfection. 

Otherwise, there's always food poisoning. Get rid of these three idiots Mr. President. And put your money (what little you have left) where your mouth is. Because these three can't cut the mustard.